Being Whole

Posted: August 13, 2014 in Motivation
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Young women, 18 – 24, will mostly go through life unmoved by the fact that they are not married.
Of course the majority of women would love to be in a monogamous relationship but the fact of the matter is we live in an age and time where most men know that we out number them. Moreover, the so called “good catch” knows that he is in high demand and will play the field as long as he can. With that being said, ladies, if you are yourself a great catch, why settle with someone who has no ambition, who has no idea what his needs are other than his immediate wants like the newest video game coming out, Jordan gym shoes, fight night…you get the picture. You do not have to settle for a piece of a man to have a man. If you are a woman who has a vision and taking steps to get to that vision, you need a man that is doing the same thing. It is not wrong for you to desire a man that is financially stable, has a career or is going to school to better himself. I do understand that jobs are scarce and that women have climbed the corporate ladder of success quicker than men. I get that, but that doesn’t mean that you have to accept someone who is stuck at a dead end job not wanting to move up within the company because he is comfortable. If he is not willing to better himself, how is he going to be a good husband to you? Now, I am going to say something that may get a few of you upset. Please don’t take it personal but after you read what my opinion is, I want you to think long and hard about the state of relationships, especially in the black community and then I want you to comment your opinion. Step outside of yourself and look at the women around you. Women, through the course of 40 or so decades have totally taking over as heads of households. We did what we had to do to survive, to provide for our children and to pick up where the men left off. Whether it was due to drugs coming in and tearing up our neighborhoods, the need for money resulting in crime and prison time for men, or just plain selfishness being a man realizing that he is just the father. He planted the seed and he felt welcomed enough to leave, become a rolling stone and plant more seeds wherever he laid his hat. That acceptance of the men playing such small roles in the household has given us a problem that we women have to rectify.

You can start by truly loving yourself. Stop looking for acceptance from other people, like your family, friends and other peers. I am not saying not to listen to constructive criticism. You should always want to better yourself. But do realize that there is a difference between constructive criticism (positive reinforcement i.e: You have been doing such a great job but I have noticed that you lack in this area. I would like to help you with that) and destructive criticism (negative reinforcement i.e: You are doing great work but don’t work too hard, you will never have your own office in this place.) When you get to a point of loving yourself no matter what people say, you will also realize that you deserve your equal. A man who loves himself and will not allow himself to not be what he should to a woman.

I have read so many articles and have seen so many talk shows geared to women basically telling us to settle. This cycle must stop and guess what ladies, we are the key to stopping that cycle. If you want the men you date to be of a certain quality, start putting yourself where those men are. Start surround yourself with the men who have the standards you want. If you surround yourself with men who are impotent in heart, in life, then trust me when I say, you too will become impotent in heart and in life. Relationships should bring out the best in you, not the worse. Both parties should be happy, not one said and one feel like that hit the million dollar jackpot.

A man is to leave his family to start his own family. Not the other way around. How many men move out of their parent’s house to move in with their women? I like the idea of a man having his own place first and if they agree, he leaves his place to move in with his lady’s place if it is indeed better. Or the both of you getting a place together. Being blunt, stop taking on men who have nothing. We are not teenagers anymore, nor are we in are early 20’s. Most of the women reading this article I gather are in their late 20’s to 40’s. A real man of substance would not even consider dating a woman if he felt that he couldn’t give her the least she deserves. Reserve yourself for a man of substance and integrity. Stop concerning yourself with the thoughts of no one to keep your bed warm at night. Concern yourself with someone who can keep the entire house warm, food in the refrigerator, clothes on his back, gas in the car or money for transportation, and a know how attitude that just in case something doesn’t work out, he will make it work anyway. Why? Aren’t you doing the same thing? If you can do all of that then why not want that in your mate. Women, you are the prize that God created to help men. To help them build and sustain life. If we were created for them, make him earn you! Don’t give yourself away because you are tired. I truly believe that if you get yourself together, truly become a whole person by yourself, you will indeed attract that whole man. It just will take a bit more patience than what you thought. He will come, in God’s timing He will send you that Ram In the Bush! Just keep working on you!

© Brandi Anderson

Advertisements

Oxygen is important to sustaining life so it is natural that in order for something to grow (whether gaining muscle or losing weight) you need oxygen. When doing exercises, people know they should breather properly but never really bother to learn why it is important thus they continue to breathe normally. If you have ever used a heart monitor while running on a machine, you will see your estimated heartbeat. On that machine, you should also see a chart that will tell you the proper range you should be in. If you are drastically above that rate then I can guarantee you that you are breathing incorrectly. When you breathe properly, you will be able to run longer and focus more. Why? Breathing pushes out the carbon dioxide in your body and the oxygen enriches your cells oxygenating your blood. It is like a burst of energy actually. Also if you notice that faint feeling while running it is more than likely do to your breathing. You are over working your body if you are not breathing correctly. So try this while running, Breathe in during the first 3 steps of your run and exhale on the last 2 steps. Literally breathe like this, left, right, left, exhale right, left. It will be hard at first but you will see how easy it is. You will be in control of your breathing and not your breathing in control of you.
Breathing is important also during weight lifting and intense cardio exercises like jumping jacks and core routines. When lifting or pushing the weight, you should breathe in before you lift or push the weight and exhale when you lift or push that weight. Think of it as driving. When you want the car to move, you pull it out of park and press the gas pedal to make the car move. When you want to move some weight, especially heavy weight, you take a nice deep breath and blow it out when lifting or pushing.
Just think back to when you are doing house work like moving furniture. You probably never thought about it but you took a deep breath and exhaled on the pushing of that heavy couch or dresser didn’t you?
Last tip that you probably never thought about, proper oxygen balance in the body will help you lose weight. Water and Oxygen work together to burn fat. In order for this to happen you need to be doing some form of physical activity and an increase in your water intake has to happen. You thought it was going to be easy huh, just drink water and sit there. LOL, no you have to do some form of physical activity to oxygenate your body. Your body wants to get rid of things but it will hold on to any form of water if it doesn’t have anything to excrete. So hydrate yourself properly with water and get to moving. Help your body use its fat as an energy source.

My Vision

Posted: May 9, 2014 in Poetry
Tags: , , , ,

I am inclined to sit in my chair and think about past loves that didn’t share my vision.

Dreams and ambitions, reaching goals that prayer brought into fruition.

These past loves didn’t see things my way, yes I tried to sway their thoughts and make them into my mold, my vision.

My eyes were blinded by my ambition to see the sunshine in men with cloudy skies blocking their sun from shining. I am further now convinced that even if their skies were clear that their sunlight would be dull in comparison to mine which would have made even bigger problems…their intimidation of mine.

Love is not a competition; I have no energy to compete. Stop competing with your blessing it’s cooperation that will find loves key and unlock our beautiful mystery.

My soul yearns for its mate not just a casual or a “just because I’m bored” date with wine, roses, and maybe a slice of my favorite… strawberry cheesecake. 

Don’t get me wrong, those dates are fun and sometimes informative but when I sum them all up I come up with negative options because they subtract from me.

I need options that will Add and Multiply the essence of me thus creating infinite possibilities for our union that can be divided amongst our children.

Indeed…I am inclined to leave from this chair because my vision is ever clear and someone who matches my sunlight will appear. When he does I hope he brings me a pair of dark shades because we have to be able to see each other…right?

 

©Brandi N. Anderson 

Back then I use to think it was me, the reason we didn’t work out completely.

I felt that you were my blessing, there was no second guessing for my thoughts were concreted in my heart.

Time went on but still I knew.

It was you that I was meant to love.

Thinking that heaven above proclaimed you to be he but it was me who said that it should be and so it was.

It was fun while it lasted, the spell broken once casted.

It’s time for the realness, I mean my newness to arrive.

I take a sledge hammer to that concrete and break up the memories of you and I ’cause those memories of what use to be but what use to be was always just a fallacy.

You did me a favor truthfully and wonderfully brought me closer to my savior!

That is what I am taking from this and oh yea the thought of my love that you will surely miss.

With a kiss good-bye to send you on your way. A started a new chapter and closed the one about you today!

 

©Brandi Anderson

Being the “fairer” sex, being called insecure isn’t odd for women.  Most of us have been called insecure by a person we’ve dated at least once in our dating life.  However, the renaissance of the woman has given women more confidence in going for what they want and need, not taking no for an answer.  Men on the other hand have become less aggressive with life as a whole and taking on some meek traits that aren’t favorable to what was once known as being a man.  Now before you jump down my throat, I am not talking about all men but I will say that there are plenty of insecure men out in this world and it makes dating hard.

I have dated insecure men before in the past and I have a couple that are friends.  These men are attractive and have no reason to be insecure but just like beautiful women who were made to feel less than by their insecure man, the same has happen to these men.  I try to look back on the relationships with the men I had that were insecure.  I wanted to see if there was anything that I did that made them feel insecure.  One in particular brought about his own insecurities because he was the one cheating.  His mind was playing tricks on him and whenever I went out with the girls, didn’t answer my phone or stayed later at work than planned.  He would think I was out getting him back because that is what he felt he deserved. The other men I dated that were insecure didn’t cheat but they were cheated on and one was an older man.  Men think it is hard to date a woman that has been hurt in the past but I can honestly say men that have been hurt in the past our worse to deal with than women.  Men seem to take it harder, sometimes changing their entire character just to not get hurt again. Some men become less aggressive and don’t assert themselves in a relationship once they have been hurt by women.  (Side Note) Ladies, the words you speak to your man are very, very powerful.  If this man loves and adores you, trust me when I say that you have the power to build him up and to make him think that he is superman.  Don’t be afraid to love him and to puff him up.  Build him up with your words and don’t tear him down with them.

Back to the matter at hand, insecure men.  Ladies, in the beginning of dating we need to ask all of the important questions that we can.  Ask about their dating life and why some relationships ended.  If you two have gotten really close and are seeing a great deal of each other, don’t settle for the “It just didn’t work out” answer.  Try to find out if he has trust issues, pay attention to the signs:

Clingy

Excessive texting or Calling (esp when he knows that you are busy)

Not wanting you to go out

How he handles your male friendships

How he handles your female friendships

His reaction to when you receive a text message or phone call

Him paying more attention to your social media accounts than you do

His need for constant approval from you

When he creates an argument out of nothing

Also when he puts you down

 

The way that I have dealt with insecure men in the past is that I looked at all that I was doing.  I made sure that I wasn’t behaving in a way to make him insecure.  I also reassured him that I was not the last woman he dated and that he should trust me based on my efforts and not something he experienced in the past.  When all else failed, I moved on.  I will not stay in something where there is no trust.  Contrary to popular belief, relationships aren’t built on the foundation of Love but they are built on the foundation of trust.  Love comes later.  Love is an action and much easier to perform than trust.  Think about it.

 

Until next time…

 

© Brandi Andersoncropped-jan-17.jpg

Arm picPeople often ask me how I get my arms so shapely and besides given the usual answer of genetics I also have a diet that is rich in protein.  Eating protein throughout your day will result in your muscles being fed properly.  Keep in mind that if you aren’t working out regular, weight lifting, the protein will store as fat.  You can’t get the benefits of protein in your muscles if you aren’t tearing them up.   My work schedule is the basic 9 – 5 but within that 9 – 5 I am very busy.  So what I have committed myself to was having a regular sized oatmeal from Tim Horton’s every morning and I snack on that all morning.  It keeps me full for the most part and gives me what I need. Throughout my day, I try to make sure I have a source of protein in each of my meals. Like today, I will have baked chicken with steamed veggies and roasted potatoes for dinner.

For a meat source, my diet mostly consist of chicken.  I eat baked and broiled chicken breast.  I will also bake and broil other parts of the chicken during the week to help me achieve my lean protein meals. I also eat fish.  My favorite being Salmon but for those who don’t like the strong taste, Tuna is a great option to get your lean protein.  Beef is also high in protein but it is high in fat and cholesterol as well.  If you have a family history of high cholesterol and high blood pressure you should keep your beef intake to once a week or once in a while.  Don’t risk your health trying to get healthy.

Now even though I am talking about protein in this article, I can’t forget to tell you about carbs.  You must have Carbohydrates.  They are your primary source for energy, Fats are second and I think of protein as more of a repair and rebuild source than energy.   Your raw fruits are a great source of Carbohydrates. You will also find carbs in just about everything you snack on except for meat and vegetables (low amounts found in veggies) it depends on what types of carbs you are eating.  You want to get more complex carbs than simple carbs.  Simple carbs should be used as treats on your cheat days but if you do happen to indulge in some simple carbs treat during the week, keep them at a minimum and include them in your daily allowed calorie intake.  But you will need carbs to get through your day so don’t neglect them.  I will talk more about Carbs and Fats in another article.

Exercises I do that impact my arms are:

Arm Curls

Push Ups

Lat Pull Downs

Delt Rows

Tricep Dips

Dumbbell Squats (I have modified them to include an arm and back workout)

 

If you have any questions don’t hesitate to contact me at:

Brandi.Anderson182@gmail.com

http://www.wemafit.org

 

Until next time.  Be More, Love More, Encourage More, and Aspire to Be More

 

©Brandi Anderson

This was a short story I wrote almost 10 years ago.  Who knows, maybe I will write a part 2.  Tell me what you think.

 

Smooth music playing in the background as I wrap my lips around my straw, just enough to suck the potent liquid contained in the glass but not too hard to ruin my lips.

Ahh!!! Home girl know she hooked my Long Island up, just the way I like it, a little lime, lots of rum and you can’t forget the vodka, all top shelf.

I turn to watch the dance floor because it’s ballroom night.

We have the usual players, the kat with the matching hat, suit, and shoes. He just doesn’t know how much of a fool he looks, but hey if he likes it I love it.

Then we have the kat with the pony tail and he is balding in the front. Some people just don’t know when to give it up.

Then we have the kat who has it together. I mean he smells good, looks good, and speaks well. I love a man who can speak. He has on his light blue linen suit, bald shinny head, and a go-tee that drives all the women crazy when he looks their way.

We spoke a few times, just honest flirting but I wasn’t looking to get anything from it.

But today, brother man had it going on.

My girl finally walks in the door like she isn’t late and I told her to sit her procrastinating ass down and have a drink.

She proceeds to tell me about how her day went and how every man she passed today wanted her number. This is truly a typical day for her because my girl is fine but tonight I wasn’t paying to much attention to the conversation, I  was starring at “light blue”. So as soon as she was finished talking she caught a glimpse of who I was looking at and said “girl is that….” I said “yes it is T, that is Mr. Light Blue himself.” You see, my girl never met him before and I am sure she would like to get to know Light Blue, but I had to let her know, he is mine tonight. I told her to go mess with pony tail or matching man. Of course she saw a brother that fits her taste….the man who is buying all the drinks. That’s T, you gotta love her, there is no one like this woman.

So now once again I am at the bar alone but I know I won’t be for long. Because what I didn’t tell you is that as I was watching Light Blue dance the dance he does so well, he was looking at me too. So I fix myself, make sure the boobies are up and smiling, make sure the hair isn’t all frizzie, and I definitely make sure the breath is right as he is walking across the dance floor towards me. As he is walking, I can just hear music playing, it’s not the music in the club but it is his own music. Yes y’all, he has his own theme music, well, he does to me anyway. As he approaches me, he doesn’t look at me from head to toe but focuses on my eyes, he proceeds to ask me ”Why don’t you dance?”  I say, “baby I do dance, I just don’t ballroom but if you would like to teach me, you have to take it slow.”

He smiles and say’s, “Girl you got some game, but I will take it as slow as you need.”  He grabs my hand and leads me to the dance floor. My girl Janet song was just finishing up, “Enjoy Yourself” and the Temptations version of “Some Enchanted Evening” came on.

This is one of my favorite songs and perfect to ballroom to. He whispers in my ear “Just follow me, let me lead you just be free”. We start close and I can feel his chest up against mind. He takes two steps back, so I follow, he spins me out, and I flow with it. He twirls me back in but now I am behind him. He steps slowly to the right, and spins me to the right. We dance like this through the entire song and I am thinking to myself, “You are ballrooming girl.” He finishes the dance doing what just the song repeats at the end, “Never let, Never ever let her go”. My back towards his chest and his face tucked away in my neck holding me tight and not letting me go until the song ends. I look over at my girl and she smiles at me. Giving me the seal of approval letting me know I did awesome. So I walk back to the bar and Light Blue follows. We have a few more drinks and chat. We talk about our present lives and future ambitions. We talk about silly things like embarrassing moments and the most disgusting thing you ever done when you were a child. He showed me the side of him that I always wanted to know…his personality. Thinking to myself “Mmm Mr. Light Blue, how can a sista get next to you?”  I looked at the time and it was late, I finished up my conversation and told him that I will see him maybe next time. I signaled for my girl to let her know I was ready to leave and he grabbed my hand, whispered again in my ear and slipped his card into my purse. I told him thanks for the dance and I will think about calling him and that was that. Now, I guess you want to know what he whispered in my ear right? Well let’s just say that it was any woman’s dream and at the same time, every woman’s nightmare. He said “You don’t have to walk alone in this world. You’re much too much for that. Spend some time with me and I can show you what it is to be with a real man”. Let’s just say Mr. Light Blue, has me just a bit curious. It’s dangerous out here ladies, but if you have a “Light Blue” in your life. Let him treat you as you should be treated. If he turns out to be your king, great, if not….at least you had a good time. Good night for now, until next time…

 

© Brandi N. Anderson