Posts Tagged ‘Alone’

Instant relationships seem to be very common these days. The longing to be with someone or to say that you have someone pressures people into these kinds of relationships. Being a single woman in her 30’s can be quite challenging. We are at an age where if we don’t have children, we start to think of having children because of the proverbial “clock” is ticking. However, we also don’t want to settle down
with someone just because he may seem at first glance a great catch. Lately, I have encountered men
who want instant relationships. They seem to want relationships after the first or second date…seriously, they do. I would like to know what happened to the days where you met someone, you went out on a few dates and during the process you actually got to know a person. You had a chance to study their habits as well as actually fall in love with them. Actually, the most recent date I went on felt more like a job interview than anything but I am happy that it went the way it went. I was able to find out things about him that his “resume” didn’t tell me about like his possessiveness. Let’s just say that I can see why he’s been single for 8 years. I would like to get to know someone naturally and fall in love with them. I don’t want to be rushed through the process. I am not saying that it should take someone a month or 2 to say that you are exclusive with someone, but what I am saying is that a person shouldn’t expect for you to become exclusive after the first date! Learn the difference between being alone and lonely. It is truly a difference and being alone isn’t all bad. Especially if you are settling with someone who doesn’t know you and you don’t really know them. I am not saying that these relationships don’t work, some actually do. However, I know quite a few that are nightmares, they are rosy looking on the outside but dark and dreary on the inside. I enjoy the initial excitement of meeting someone new and in order for me to progress forward with a person I must see something beyond the initial meeting. I will not however commit to someone without getting to know them. Have fun getting to know me. Learn what quirks, figure out some things about me that may annoy you, learn my favorite things, find something in my life that you can gradually include yourself in. Trust, I will do the same for you. But life isn’t a movie or song, The movie or songs are inspire by life’s events but those life event’s usually took some months and years in the making, not 2 dates…lol! Enjoy the process of dating. Finding your life partner can be difficult but what is more difficult is having to end something with someone that you probably shouldn’t have been with in the first place. Slow down and enjoy the process! Your King or Queen are on their way. Get yourself right first in order to attract that person.

© Brandi Anderson


Being Whole

Posted: August 13, 2014 in Motivation
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Young women, 18 – 24, will mostly go through life unmoved by the fact that they are not married.
Of course the majority of women would love to be in a monogamous relationship but the fact of the matter is we live in an age and time where most men know that we out number them. Moreover, the so called “good catch” knows that he is in high demand and will play the field as long as he can. With that being said, ladies, if you are yourself a great catch, why settle with someone who has no ambition, who has no idea what his needs are other than his immediate wants like the newest video game coming out, Jordan gym shoes, fight night…you get the picture. You do not have to settle for a piece of a man to have a man. If you are a woman who has a vision and taking steps to get to that vision, you need a man that is doing the same thing. It is not wrong for you to desire a man that is financially stable, has a career or is going to school to better himself. I do understand that jobs are scarce and that women have climbed the corporate ladder of success quicker than men. I get that, but that doesn’t mean that you have to accept someone who is stuck at a dead end job not wanting to move up within the company because he is comfortable. If he is not willing to better himself, how is he going to be a good husband to you? Now, I am going to say something that may get a few of you upset. Please don’t take it personal but after you read what my opinion is, I want you to think long and hard about the state of relationships, especially in the black community and then I want you to comment your opinion. Step outside of yourself and look at the women around you. Women, through the course of 40 or so decades have totally taking over as heads of households. We did what we had to do to survive, to provide for our children and to pick up where the men left off. Whether it was due to drugs coming in and tearing up our neighborhoods, the need for money resulting in crime and prison time for men, or just plain selfishness being a man realizing that he is just the father. He planted the seed and he felt welcomed enough to leave, become a rolling stone and plant more seeds wherever he laid his hat. That acceptance of the men playing such small roles in the household has given us a problem that we women have to rectify.

You can start by truly loving yourself. Stop looking for acceptance from other people, like your family, friends and other peers. I am not saying not to listen to constructive criticism. You should always want to better yourself. But do realize that there is a difference between constructive criticism (positive reinforcement i.e: You have been doing such a great job but I have noticed that you lack in this area. I would like to help you with that) and destructive criticism (negative reinforcement i.e: You are doing great work but don’t work too hard, you will never have your own office in this place.) When you get to a point of loving yourself no matter what people say, you will also realize that you deserve your equal. A man who loves himself and will not allow himself to not be what he should to a woman.

I have read so many articles and have seen so many talk shows geared to women basically telling us to settle. This cycle must stop and guess what ladies, we are the key to stopping that cycle. If you want the men you date to be of a certain quality, start putting yourself where those men are. Start surround yourself with the men who have the standards you want. If you surround yourself with men who are impotent in heart, in life, then trust me when I say, you too will become impotent in heart and in life. Relationships should bring out the best in you, not the worse. Both parties should be happy, not one said and one feel like that hit the million dollar jackpot.

A man is to leave his family to start his own family. Not the other way around. How many men move out of their parent’s house to move in with their women? I like the idea of a man having his own place first and if they agree, he leaves his place to move in with his lady’s place if it is indeed better. Or the both of you getting a place together. Being blunt, stop taking on men who have nothing. We are not teenagers anymore, nor are we in are early 20’s. Most of the women reading this article I gather are in their late 20’s to 40’s. A real man of substance would not even consider dating a woman if he felt that he couldn’t give her the least she deserves. Reserve yourself for a man of substance and integrity. Stop concerning yourself with the thoughts of no one to keep your bed warm at night. Concern yourself with someone who can keep the entire house warm, food in the refrigerator, clothes on his back, gas in the car or money for transportation, and a know how attitude that just in case something doesn’t work out, he will make it work anyway. Why? Aren’t you doing the same thing? If you can do all of that then why not want that in your mate. Women, you are the prize that God created to help men. To help them build and sustain life. If we were created for them, make him earn you! Don’t give yourself away because you are tired. I truly believe that if you get yourself together, truly become a whole person by yourself, you will indeed attract that whole man. It just will take a bit more patience than what you thought. He will come, in God’s timing He will send you that Ram In the Bush! Just keep working on you!

© Brandi Anderson