Posts Tagged ‘clingy’

Instant relationships seem to be very common these days. The longing to be with someone or to say that you have someone pressures people into these kinds of relationships. Being a single woman in her 30’s can be quite challenging. We are at an age where if we don’t have children, we start to think of having children because of the proverbial “clock” is ticking. However, we also don’t want to settle down
with someone just because he may seem at first glance a great catch. Lately, I have encountered men
who want instant relationships. They seem to want relationships after the first or second date…seriously, they do. I would like to know what happened to the days where you met someone, you went out on a few dates and during the process you actually got to know a person. You had a chance to study their habits as well as actually fall in love with them. Actually, the most recent date I went on felt more like a job interview than anything but I am happy that it went the way it went. I was able to find out things about him that his “resume” didn’t tell me about like his possessiveness. Let’s just say that I can see why he’s been single for 8 years. I would like to get to know someone naturally and fall in love with them. I don’t want to be rushed through the process. I am not saying that it should take someone a month or 2 to say that you are exclusive with someone, but what I am saying is that a person shouldn’t expect for you to become exclusive after the first date! Learn the difference between being alone and lonely. It is truly a difference and being alone isn’t all bad. Especially if you are settling with someone who doesn’t know you and you don’t really know them. I am not saying that these relationships don’t work, some actually do. However, I know quite a few that are nightmares, they are rosy looking on the outside but dark and dreary on the inside. I enjoy the initial excitement of meeting someone new and in order for me to progress forward with a person I must see something beyond the initial meeting. I will not however commit to someone without getting to know them. Have fun getting to know me. Learn what quirks, figure out some things about me that may annoy you, learn my favorite things, find something in my life that you can gradually include yourself in. Trust, I will do the same for you. But life isn’t a movie or song, The movie or songs are inspire by life’s events but those life event’s usually took some months and years in the making, not 2 dates…lol! Enjoy the process of dating. Finding your life partner can be difficult but what is more difficult is having to end something with someone that you probably shouldn’t have been with in the first place. Slow down and enjoy the process! Your King or Queen are on their way. Get yourself right first in order to attract that person.

© Brandi Anderson

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Being the “fairer” sex, being called insecure isn’t odd for women.  Most of us have been called insecure by a person we’ve dated at least once in our dating life.  However, the renaissance of the woman has given women more confidence in going for what they want and need, not taking no for an answer.  Men on the other hand have become less aggressive with life as a whole and taking on some meek traits that aren’t favorable to what was once known as being a man.  Now before you jump down my throat, I am not talking about all men but I will say that there are plenty of insecure men out in this world and it makes dating hard.

I have dated insecure men before in the past and I have a couple that are friends.  These men are attractive and have no reason to be insecure but just like beautiful women who were made to feel less than by their insecure man, the same has happen to these men.  I try to look back on the relationships with the men I had that were insecure.  I wanted to see if there was anything that I did that made them feel insecure.  One in particular brought about his own insecurities because he was the one cheating.  His mind was playing tricks on him and whenever I went out with the girls, didn’t answer my phone or stayed later at work than planned.  He would think I was out getting him back because that is what he felt he deserved. The other men I dated that were insecure didn’t cheat but they were cheated on and one was an older man.  Men think it is hard to date a woman that has been hurt in the past but I can honestly say men that have been hurt in the past our worse to deal with than women.  Men seem to take it harder, sometimes changing their entire character just to not get hurt again. Some men become less aggressive and don’t assert themselves in a relationship once they have been hurt by women.  (Side Note) Ladies, the words you speak to your man are very, very powerful.  If this man loves and adores you, trust me when I say that you have the power to build him up and to make him think that he is superman.  Don’t be afraid to love him and to puff him up.  Build him up with your words and don’t tear him down with them.

Back to the matter at hand, insecure men.  Ladies, in the beginning of dating we need to ask all of the important questions that we can.  Ask about their dating life and why some relationships ended.  If you two have gotten really close and are seeing a great deal of each other, don’t settle for the “It just didn’t work out” answer.  Try to find out if he has trust issues, pay attention to the signs:

Clingy

Excessive texting or Calling (esp when he knows that you are busy)

Not wanting you to go out

How he handles your male friendships

How he handles your female friendships

His reaction to when you receive a text message or phone call

Him paying more attention to your social media accounts than you do

His need for constant approval from you

When he creates an argument out of nothing

Also when he puts you down

 

The way that I have dealt with insecure men in the past is that I looked at all that I was doing.  I made sure that I wasn’t behaving in a way to make him insecure.  I also reassured him that I was not the last woman he dated and that he should trust me based on my efforts and not something he experienced in the past.  When all else failed, I moved on.  I will not stay in something where there is no trust.  Contrary to popular belief, relationships aren’t built on the foundation of Love but they are built on the foundation of trust.  Love comes later.  Love is an action and much easier to perform than trust.  Think about it.

 

Until next time…

 

© Brandi Andersoncropped-jan-17.jpg