Being the “fairer” sex, being called insecure isn’t odd for women. Most of us have been called insecure by a person we’ve dated at least once in our dating life. However, the renaissance of the woman has given women more confidence in going for what they want and need, not taking no for an answer. Men on the other hand have become less aggressive with life as a whole and taking on some meek traits that aren’t favorable to what was once known as being a man. Now before you jump down my throat, I am not talking about all men but I will say that there are plenty of insecure men out in this world and it makes dating hard.
I have dated insecure men before in the past and I have a couple that are friends. These men are attractive and have no reason to be insecure but just like beautiful women who were made to feel less than by their insecure man, the same has happen to these men. I try to look back on the relationships with the men I had that were insecure. I wanted to see if there was anything that I did that made them feel insecure. One in particular brought about his own insecurities because he was the one cheating. His mind was playing tricks on him and whenever I went out with the girls, didn’t answer my phone or stayed later at work than planned. He would think I was out getting him back because that is what he felt he deserved. The other men I dated that were insecure didn’t cheat but they were cheated on and one was an older man. Men think it is hard to date a woman that has been hurt in the past but I can honestly say men that have been hurt in the past our worse to deal with than women. Men seem to take it harder, sometimes changing their entire character just to not get hurt again. Some men become less aggressive and don’t assert themselves in a relationship once they have been hurt by women. (Side Note) Ladies, the words you speak to your man are very, very powerful. If this man loves and adores you, trust me when I say that you have the power to build him up and to make him think that he is superman. Don’t be afraid to love him and to puff him up. Build him up with your words and don’t tear him down with them.
Back to the matter at hand, insecure men. Ladies, in the beginning of dating we need to ask all of the important questions that we can. Ask about their dating life and why some relationships ended. If you two have gotten really close and are seeing a great deal of each other, don’t settle for the “It just didn’t work out” answer. Try to find out if he has trust issues, pay attention to the signs:
Clingy
Excessive texting or Calling (esp when he knows that you are busy)
Not wanting you to go out
How he handles your male friendships
How he handles your female friendships
His reaction to when you receive a text message or phone call
Him paying more attention to your social media accounts than you do
His need for constant approval from you
When he creates an argument out of nothing
Also when he puts you down
The way that I have dealt with insecure men in the past is that I looked at all that I was doing. I made sure that I wasn’t behaving in a way to make him insecure. I also reassured him that I was not the last woman he dated and that he should trust me based on my efforts and not something he experienced in the past. When all else failed, I moved on. I will not stay in something where there is no trust. Contrary to popular belief, relationships aren’t built on the foundation of Love but they are built on the foundation of trust. Love comes later. Love is an action and much easier to perform than trust. Think about it.
Until next time…
© Brandi Anderson
WEMAFIT 